Why we should always say that which needs to be said.
It was one of those moments in life and I asked my father a very simple question: Is there anything that is left unsaid between us? My father looked at me. His face was marked by the many tears we had both shed as we tried to come to terms with what we both knew would someday come to pass. Now, as we were both numb to the pain and all cried out, his eyes met mine and words were no longer necessary.
My mother had just passed a few hours prior. She had struggled with diabetes for more than two decades and when they took her second leg, the heart was no longer willing. It is such a cruel disease in that there is no hope that things will ever get better. As things keep getting worse, even the strongest of spirits are eventually broken.
She lived the last years of her life confined to a chair and constrained in her own world. For someone who had always been very active and independent, it was a particularly cruel fate never to be able to walk again. Yet she took such joy in the little things that made life still worth living. Dinners with friends, visits from family, or little shopping treats became enormously important when it is all about the moments. Happiness is a state of mind, and we all did our very best to focus her on the good things she could look forward to, rather than that which we cannot change.
We can learn a lot from those that face such ultimate adversity. The world is in a bleak, dark and dangerous place at present. It is easy to give in to our own despair when we cannot do the things we want to do. And there is that fear of things getting worse, of the virus never going away, and the increasing restrictions on our way of life. The only thing we can do is focus on that which is around us and draw strength from making sure our little world is a place worth living. All that matters is that we cherish every moment of every day that we get to spend with the ones that love us.
I wish I could tell you that I don’t miss talking to my mum. I wish I could tell you that the grief becomes less with each passing month. If there is anything you do today, speak to whomever it is that you hold dear and say all the things you would ever want to say. You might never get that chance again. Für Igge.